Hmm...

A lot has changed? Or maybe you could say nothing has changed in the grand scheme of things... Or maybe more accurately you could say things have been changing recently. I always get the temptation of going back where I came. There is comfort in the thought of the tried and tested. It is an ever present fear. When what you're trying just stops working, you want to make a reversion.

I tell myself that there's no way back. All you can do is take comfort in the thought of what was. There is greater certainty, with what experience you have now, compared to what you had, that there is more pain ahead, but also bigger lessons to learn from.

Looking back, I can tell you how functional I was, how many good decisions I made for myself. But also how cold it felt. It could be, the beginning of uni gave me a start point. A place to make some daring changes. Daring by my own standards.

I'm not sure if this could pass of as a confession, but often I am confronted with a scary thought. I don't have an affinity with people. It's true. It's a defining characteristic of what I am. I don't manage to appreciate everyone me all at once. Sometimes it almost feels like I only want to be near people I can benefit from.