I don't like squirming. It's not pretty. Yet I do, and it's... not pretty. I had a good look at myself in the mirror today, and it struck me... I'm old. 20 years old :/ look at myself, look at others - all that jazz. I'm still not settled with myself. No passion, no luck, no mature words, not thinking about others. Just; Me. Still a mumbler, still lonesome. With familiar faces I become a boy again. Act the same way in front of others and I get strange looks.
There seems to be no general equation when dealing with different people - and its confusing for my brain. I can't. I need something consistent, but i hate getting on other people's nerves.
Here's something I think I need to spill. The reason why i keep organising jc class events - is because i'm afraid if I don't i'll not get invited to gatherings of their own. And sadly there's some truth to that. I predict, if i simply don't do anything from now on I'll simply never speak to my jc class anymore. I'm THAT guy. What's more - I'm OKAY with it. It doesn't actually matter to me. So what kind of person does that make me?
Agh this is freakin' ridiculous.