i'm not certain. just an uneasy feeling again :|

ns in a few days? maybe. baaaah.

There's a whole list of things i haven't yet got to do that i said i wanted to do before ns, yet there's also a whole list that i've been able to do as well. and another list that i never expected to do, but am grateful that i did. overall - not bad i guess. i would say time well spent.

all my relatives say i very guai c: but too quiet. (i guess in contrast to how i was when i was smaller?) what's wrong with quiet? I don't think i know anything other than quiet among my relatives, heck even among friends i seldom speak up. meh i don't know how to deal with this. i think i'll figure it out later.

Haha reminds me of the time a friend caught me talking to myself during potluck. awkwaaard. to reconcile the situation i said, "... aaand yeah i'm talking to myself," then i walked away. lol. didn't help. i talk to myself cos it helps me think, sue me.

siiigh. Mr. Tan said that i haven't changed since sec1 hahaha. not sure what to make of it. he wasn't specific on whether he meant in terms of appearance or demeanor. Appearance - i don't care much for it. but personality wise, :/ i hope i've made some improvements (don't think he can judge because of limited interaction recently) but you know, the words affect me.

I know... same theme as many other posts, but this is what i'm struggling with now haha. i look at some of my seniors and they've gone far beyond where i ever expect myself to be. Envious ah. :/ When am i going to be more personable, more passionate?! lol angst.

k signing off. booking in.

Quinn went in today. Anxiety is building c:

Azmi your long post... in a few days xD

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Its days like these that make me feel like all the bad days i wait through are really really worth it :)

in game terms, i think i leveled up several times today. won over some lost friends i guess. haha its bad to think of them as assets but its easier to represent what i feel right now this way. in other words i feel like i reconciled my past actions. relieve myself from guilt i guess?

love it <3

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every now and then i just sit with my parents during meal time and i just listen to them talk about work.

my parents don't have the best jobs. dad's been in and out of work and now his boss seems to overwork him, while he isn't given any more benefits. he says its something about the system in sg that makes everyone lose their empathy. makes me feel pessimistic.

sigggghhhhhhh.

olaaaah peeeeps

back from KOREAAAA. Skiing was fun.

This particular trip: there was a lot of time for waiting. and not much else to do. so i spent a lot of the waiting time just thinking. About my relationships with people. About my place in this world i guess - and how my results will eventually play a role in it. I considered the importance of companionship - you know the kind - and also its trivial nature at this point.

My parents haven't been the easiest people to live with on this trip. :/ but ya know, when things aren't particularly fun, i try to make fun at least - and it did turn out quite enjoyable. Meh it had its highs and lows.

I'm not gonna lie: I'm scared shitless of my results being poorer than i expect. But what's done is done.

lol i looked at a convo history file quinn sent me and i'm super embarrassed that i was being such a dramaqueen (almost typed dramaquinn hahaha). Am i still like that? Hope not hahahahaha. I think back to recent events and it sure feels like i'm still like that hahahaaahaaaa. meeeehhhhhhhhh. i'm an emotional guy; whaddaya want from me. Anyways i need to thank quinn for showing it to me - remind myself not to be like that too often :/

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gotta love the night life eh

Happy new year everyone!

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