ykhdamien

I'm happy about today

2012-01-21T01:40:00.007+08:00

Its days like these that make me feel like all the bad days i wait through are really really worth it :)

in game terms, i think i leveled up several times today. won over some lost friends i guess. haha its bad to think of them as assets but its easier to represent what i feel right now this way. in other words i feel like i reconciled my past actions. relieve myself from guilt i guess?

love it <3

:/ dad...

2012-01-12T20:50:00.002+08:00

every now and then i just sit with my parents during meal time and i just listen to them talk about work.

my parents don't have the best jobs. dad's been in and out of work and now his boss seems to overwork him, while he isn't given any more benefits. he says its something about the system in sg that makes everyone lose their empathy. makes me feel pessimistic.

sigggghhhhhhh.

BAAAAACK

2012-01-09T23:55:00.009+08:00

olaaaah peeeeps

back from KOREAAAA. Skiing was fun.

This particular trip: there was a lot of time for waiting. and not much else to do. so i spent a lot of the waiting time just thinking. About my relationships with people. About my place in this world i guess - and how my results will eventually play a role in it. I considered the importance of companionship - you know the kind - and also its trivial nature at this point.

My parents haven't been the easiest people to live with on this trip. :/ but ya know, when things aren't particularly fun, i try to make fun at least - and it did turn out quite enjoyable. Meh it had its highs and lows.

I'm not gonna lie: I'm scared shitless of my results being poorer than i expect. But what's done is done.

lol i looked at a convo history file quinn sent me and i'm super embarrassed that i was being such a dramaqueen (almost typed dramaquinn hahaha). Am i still like that? Hope not hahahahaha. I think back to recent events and it sure feels like i'm still like that hahahaaahaaaa. meeeehhhhhhhhh. i'm an emotional guy; whaddaya want from me. Anyways i need to thank quinn for showing it to me - remind myself not to be like that too often :/

one more before i leave for Korea

2012-01-01T03:50:00.006+08:00

gotta love the night life eh

Happy new year everyone!

What I learned this year is

2011-12-30T23:59:00.014+08:00

#1. First impressions count
#2. Hard work pays (often times)
#3. Embrace change (i recently learned how to do it properly c:)
#4. People around you will make you a better person, so accept them.
#5. Not everything has to matter.
#6. Its okay to be awkward, but be nice.
#7. People need other people to remind them of who they are
#8. People need other people to help them change.
#9. There is more than one way to be happy.
#10. Family is great!
#11. Things change. People change; Deal with it.
#12. Life is about taking risks.
#13. Do what you know you will not regret.
#14. Sometimes plans don't fall through. Improvise.
#15. Family is good and all, but often in life friends are your first line of defense. If I have my way, I would never ever let go of my friends. Ever.
#16. Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
#17. You don't ALWAYS have to be doing something. Doing nothing counts as part of life. Chillax.
#18. People who have yet to become your friends are as important as your friends.
#19. Patience makes you more efficient.

if i could delete one day from my life, it prolly would be today.

2011-12-29T23:21:00.004+08:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh faaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

On another note: if God's love is unconditional, why does it always feel like if you aren't devoted to a certain religion, that religion's higher being excludes you from his care. In other words, "does your God love me?" HAHAA don't look at me - my dad asked and it made me wonder.

how to make friends -

2011-12-29T01:43:00.003+08:00

hahahaaaa i've been here before i know. but i think its getting serious. my interactions with people i don't know yet is frick shoddy. so to improve i will start by thinking of actions i can consciously use to "imrpove" my interactions; try try try. if its wrong/awkward i better see some shit on my tagboard or else you, my friends will be forever responsible for my future awkward relationships HAHAHAHAHA no la. I realise that when i know people beyond a certain extent my words start sounding a bit spiteful. Then people need to be a bit more tolerant to get to know me. I guess most people don't succeed at tolerating my temperament so i need to tone it down a little? HAHAHA During Y camp right this comm member wanted to borrow my camera and the first thing i told her was "if you drop it, i'll kill you". was supposed to sound jovial but came out otherwise HAHAHAHAHA.

Anyway, here's the how-to list.

1. When i meet someone i'll greet them by their name (I tend not to greet ppl by name) and if i haven't seen them in a while i'll say, "how are you (man)?" or "eh how are you, (man)?" to make it more appropriate for casual conversation.
2. Do not be a wise-ass/asshole.
3. No handshakes. HAHAHAHA unless they initiated it.
4. *what else help me out here, and don't say "it comes naturally" because to me acting naturally results in a very unpleasant "neutral" approach which strangely doesn't have a very neutral effect*

went with q to labrador park the other day. got this. needs a subj badly. i need it...

HANDSHAKES reminds me of this time one of the staff at YMCA wanted to shake my hand right after i've been taking photos for a good half-hour and my right hand was all sweaty. The first thing i did was to inspect my sweaty hand (while the lady was standing there with a her hand outstretched) then it just began to get awkward and my reflex took over to avoid the awkwardness and i went ahead to shake her hand anyway with a sweaty freakin hand. Then i realised "oh frick i stained her hand with my sweat" but it was too late HAHAHA, i then proceeded to wipe my sweaty hand on my jeans while the lady was still standing there.

here's the photo for you quinn c:

As you may have noticed

2011-12-27T14:58:00.004+08:00

New blogskin! Right? Right? Hahaha. I hope its an upgrade from the previous skin.

I know - "your face, damien, its in the banner! Vain much?"

Then i'll say, "whatevs maaan. i was inspired for a splitsecond and i gobbled it up and spat it back out in code and pictures. Deal with it."

Besides that, anything about the aesthetic quality of this thing feel free to voice out - in fact you're obliged to criticize it and i insist that you do.

In other news, ytd i went to changi for breakfast... maybe lunch. Prolly brunch. While my mom spent 1 hour queuing for the supposedly ghost related Nasi Lemak, I took pictures of cute widdle cats wandering around.

cute widdle cat :3

Hello, friends, hello.

2011-12-26T21:53:00.030+08:00

this is quinn's picture btw

whad the heeeeelllll are you doing up at this time.

2011-12-23T02:32:00.006+08:00

c: finally made a trip to the (not so abandoned) abandoned bus station tonight.

So apparently the station is merely undergoing some sort of refurbishment and the carpark is still currently in use.

going alone also restricts the thing that can be shot due to the lack of appropriate subj matter but whaddaya know. i managed somehow

who's that cool person? omg its me.

More coming soon i guess c:

first blogpost since A's ended? yeas.

2011-12-18T23:51:00.002+08:00

helloelloh.

Holidays... haha siiiiiiiiiiighhhh.

My parents didn't know this but all that was needed to help me realise how much a waste of time playing video games all day is just takes an indefinite amount of free time for me to spend on gaming. It is a fat waste of time. Not to say i don't enjoy it - i do but its just less productive than some other things i could be doing.

Feel quite sianned now :c

Maybe i confused exhaustion with this discomfort but something definitely doesn't sit right in my head atm. When did things ever sit right in my head right? hahaha. makes me think about how i'm sitting now actually in a very unusual position with my left foot under my butt in sort of a half-cross-legged position *ramble*

i always manage to amuse myself on my own.

I hear stories of my sis doing fkawesome things overseas and i feel super unaccomplished. I'm rly happy for her but after that proudness some kind of feeling of being inadequate seeps in. sucks.

Ytd and 3 days before that was some charity camp thing i went for as an unpaid photographer.

my parents ask me how it was and i say, "it was fine" because i actually haven't thought of how to describe it aptly yet. or i'm just lazy to explain la hahahah. honestly i think its quite a different experience for me. I've really never actually seen an event of the kind in action before and i'm glad i went, though after the whole thing i probably would have preferred going as a full-fledged volunteer instead.

I just thought of how i felt immediately how i felt after the camp and it was a feeling of needing more things. And i think i'll just list it down because i like lists.

1. I want to be more outgoing.
2. I want to be more patient with people.
3. I want to be more dedicated with my work (as a student or otherwise)
4. I should probably work on a more approachable "neutral" face.

I probably will have some different opinion after the fatigue is gone and i may say different things to people who ask but this will be here to remind me what i felt immediately after the thing.

something about the length of this break is causing the uneasiness i feel in my gut these days.

Having people around me helps keep spirits up though. Cheers!

OH i forgot to say that i finally got my camera! FINALLY. I'm gg to have so much fun with it. right my eyes can't stay open for long - night.

TELL EVERYBAAADEY I'M ON MAH WAY

2011-11-23T02:28:00.002+08:00

new friends and new places to see!

Hey guys its damiennnn. whats up?!?!?!

A's are almost over! (as good as over actually) and i'm super super psyched about everything i ever wanted to do as a teen/adult! lol. actually i'm not grown up much at all, so i'd be doing pretty much the same things i did when i was just a teen... WHO CARES ITS SO MUCH FUNN!

Somebodehh... STOP ME!

Its anybody's guess, mostly.

2011-10-29T22:51:00.001+08:00

We don't have everything in control. We control some things.

If there's one thing to take away from this...

2011-10-27T05:19:00.006+08:00

This whole shitty thing brought me closer to my buddies, which i never thought was possible.

Seriously.

I'm back on my feet now. i guess. There are lingering feelings but i have the support from my brothers. Knowing they're there makes me want to bulldoze through any obstacle, just so we can watch the wreck burn together, and then talk about it and laugh. Which they did so well last night.

Its when things start changing so rapidly that we try to find constants in our lives. I think this whole thing came up because i looked the wrong way for something constant. It was the wrong way for now at least.

I think we're all agreeable change is frightening, but that's what we do. We change to benefit most from a new environment. Our friends remind us of who we are so we keep what's important. I see that now, more than i have before. Picking up new aspects of who we will eventually become is inevitable. I mean we can't stay the same person forever. I know i've always said "no way in hell i'm changing" but i've come to realise that i don't want to be this person forever. Not totally change, but improve on myself at least. To moderate this change, something like tweaking the moral compass, i have the help of my brothers.

The people we meet truly make us who we eventually become. I know i'm going to be a fckawesome person.

Study hard.

What kind of person does this make me.

2011-10-26T14:41:00.003+08:00

I feel like the kind of person who will shut my ears to all kinds of advice thinking i know how to manage everything myself. And the poor people who try to help me see this annoying fellow with his fingers stuck in his ears going "LALALALALA".

And it goes on up until the point when i realise suddenly i can't help myself, and i'm scrambling to keep on my feet, i start yelling for my friends' to give me a hand, and sure enough they're there right by my side, ready as ever to help me off my screaming whining pathetic behind.

I can't ask for much more than that.

I am not read to grow up. at all.

2011-10-22T19:53:00.002+08:00

i don't know why its there, but its there. a thornish spikey feeling in my chest that sort of makes it difficult to breathe. i'm describing it as it is. anxiety? my eyes are getting tired. i really, really really. want to go back. like not exactly in time, but rewind it. blachk i don't know what i'm talking about.

this is a low point. apologies.

Dad says: life is short. take risks.

2011-10-18T22:48:00.004+08:00

I totally agree. If it is relevant at all, he said this after news of Steve's death reached him.

Have I ever told you my dad actually MET STEVE JOBS. How awesome is that?! Fckawesome i tell you.

Life is about taking risks. Whether or not your venture is fruitful, if you did what you came to do, and not live to regret about it, it was totally worth it.

Cheers!

5am

2011-10-04T05:17:00.002+08:00

time for another essay...

Awwww maan.

2011-09-26T06:19:00.003+08:00

My sis is leaving for UK again...

I'll be honest. The past few months with her in sg (right after she flew back for her summer break) i got to know her so much better as compared to the time before she went to uk.

The first time she flew off i didn't really feel the same attachment to her as i do now. :c i wish she didn't have to go so soon.

Family is great! (#10)

AWESOME DAY (last meal sorta day)

2011-09-09T20:05:00.002+08:00

let da pictures do the talking. Also, me. Today was family day for me! it was awesome. East coast cycling, and just being lazy at the beach with the seabreeze and everything, and also, my econs text :c (took me several tries getting that sadface out.

back to work c:
Not pictured: sanity

Regular blogging is like talking to yourself aloud.

2011-09-08T23:17:00.003+08:00

I'm not saying that to say that no one is reading this blog cos i know some people do haha. All i'm saying is:
talking to yourself is perfectly fine and maybe even healthy hahaha

I've always been trying to reject little changes around me all this while even when i say that accepting new things is good i don't always have that mentality in application.

6 years ago i was in sec one and i was awkward around all the new people around me and i don't know why but there's this stress to be above everyone in my acads. Then four years later i make good friends with so many people and the pressure to do well isn't so... uh i can't find the word for it. harsh? isn't so apparent?

the universe conspires to nudge us in the right direction

2011-09-06T22:44:00.003+08:00

Today was an interesting day and it deserves a song:

haha i used to like this song and i figured out today that i still do! DON'T JUDGE ME.

I thought about it, and i have concluded that change is inevitable.

like you know people sometimes say things like "ouhp waelll back to square 1."
Technically though it shouldn't be square 1, but maybe something like square (0, 0, 0, 1) - x-axis, y-axis, z-axis and time-axis hahaha. If time is perpetually moving forward, square 1 shouldn't exist anymore if you think about it. So there's no particular situation that you can be in for any longer than a split second.

Another thing i've been thinking about is people's presence in time. Like what people regard as the "now" in the timeline that's somewhere in their mind's eye. I have a really narrow definition of "now". e.g. say this bracket with dotted lines in it represents my whole life from start to finish i.e. all the way till i don't exist anymore.

burth(-----------------------------------------------)ded

my perception of now which probably affects my urgency and tendency to be sentimental is would probably be represented on the timeline within sq. brackets something like this:

burth(-----------------------------------------------)ded

see it? no? lemme zoom in for you.
burth(---------[-]------------------------------------/...ded

hahaha i'm saying that maybe i should be more forward looking and be more uneasy about my A's and not do stupid shi* like this. Also maybe a little more sentimental about what's gone on before.

Cheers!

Chocolate is v good for you.

2011-08-30T23:49:00.002+08:00

Not too much though. Have some chocolate regularly.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-14679497 Mahaha.

Hello people!

2011-08-29T21:52:00.005+08:00

Meet kneadable eraser from 06. c:

this picture with my webcam took me an embarrassing number of tries.

Correcting my mistakes since 2006 hahaha. Also sometimes being improvised as blu-tac. Rmb that smell it had when we just got it? It still (sorta) has it. like a mutated twisted warped version of it haaha

Anyways i'll go back to whatever it was i was doing now. peace out peeps.

Helloulloh.

2011-08-13T21:49:00.001+08:00

postuh postuh postuh.

Not dead yet :D

lets work hard for A levels.

So, what's been going down, Damien?

2010-11-01T18:33:00.002+08:00

Well, to be honest, everything's going down. Remember the time I was talking about pillars of paper here and around my room? Yeah I found a very suitable name for them. The Pillars of Apathy. Because as I think less about important things, they just start growing and growing.

haha the state of my room kinda feels like the state of my blog now. and everything else I thought was important. like capital letter of the words at the beginning of every sentence hahaha. The super annoying advertisements are making the effect more pronounce, like it's been way too long since I weeded my garden or something.

So, promos results are sort of back. Looking at where I stood before, I actually jumped off "Rankings' Cliff" and currently, halfway down. Freefall feels good.

I'd like to say I totally did it on purpose and didn't work hard because I wanted to check and see if I could do well if i didn't work hard. But I can't, because complacency got the better of me and now my results aren't fantastic. Kinda feels bitter when people use you as a benchmark and celebrate because they overtook you. Sucks.

At least now I know that doing well in school means a crapload of hard work. And also at least for the first half of the year I already achieved some of my goals. I guess. I'm getting the feeling New Yorkers see me in a different light now. It's like that when I let myself go a little more.

Doodle therapy hahahahahaahahah!!!!!

2010-09-25T20:14:00.002+08:00

Shock therapy.

2010-09-25T01:12:00.002+08:00

aaaahhhh... listening to nostalgic songs and doodling with no real aim feels therapeutic.

Just, you know, doodling my night away.

I wish I had a time machine.

Recently I've been trying to refrain from using "I wish" and replacing "wish" with "plan" because planning to do something is often more productive than wishing to do something. But going back in time is just impossible, so "I wish" is appropriate.

Everything goes by too quickly mannnnn.

Hungry?

2010-08-29T08:44:00.004+08:00

Just woke up? CRAVING for Milo? Looked into your Milo tin but realised that there's nothing left? STILL CRAVING MILO?! Have a few packets of Oreo lying around? A carton of milk that's about to go bad in the fridge? Have some bananas that you stole from your neighbours? OMG CRAVING MILO AND WISHED YOU HAD SOME KIND OF SUBSTITUTE?! Too bad no substitute for Milo here but we can make something else in 2 EASY STEPS! (+ 1 bonus step).

Step 1: (and we're halfway there!)

Open up about three packets of Oreo (or more if you like) and put them into a giant mug. (I use this for Milo and noodles sometimes.) Omnyom.

Step 2:

Pour milk into the cup and have a spoon ready. Wait about a minute if you like your Oreo soggy (one may even decide to mix it to have it resemble extra thick Milo though it would probably taste nothing like Milo) or eat it immediately if you like your Oreo semi-crunchy - which is how I like mine.

BONUS STEP OMG!!!!:

Eat banana!

New York.

2010-08-25T21:19:00.002+08:00

Have you ever kind of felt like meeting yourself one day, just to see if you'd be friends and get along well, or end up sworn enemies and always be out for each other's blood? I have actually. I took a look around NY and I realised that I see many aspects of me in other people. Frankly I find me very annoying now. I need to tweak the settings a little bit and upgrade some software.

There's this guy who has this ULTRA misplace of trust thing and thinks everyone is selfish and only do things for self-benefit.

Then there's this other person who's mega enthu about everything and gets very sulky when things don't go his way.

There's this other guy who also keeps mumbling and to himself whenever he finds something isn't done the conventional and correct way.

To me these are actually what I thought were very positive traits (of course I portrayed them negatively here hahaha) but now not so. I mean, you can't mumble and grumble about convention if it's always changing, and what you see as correct might not be so in some one else's eyes. As we begin to find out right and wrong isn't so easy to distinguish. If there's a very good reason why something should be deemed right, grumbling still ain't the way because hey, we're the new convention setters, if we start doing it the right way, and if it stands out as really the correct way, then naturally everyone would follow. Okay just reasoning with myself here I've had more illogical arguments.

And assuming that everyone is selfish and self-centered actually, is a very selfish thing to do if you think about it. You'd be more concerned with your own well-being than to really give someone a chance to express some kind of act out of generosity.

So. Upgrading time hahaa

is now suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

2010-08-18T18:28:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging mobile and not using my laptop.

Why did I ever decide to start playing pc games again it's so damn difficult to quit lol (but possible).

I'd like to think that secretly deep deep deep within our subconscious mind each of us already knows where we want to be in future and we're all slowly heading there. Of course that almost bears no truth. It's calming to think about it that way anyhow.

Huzz. After two nights of sleeping early though, I will stay up late today to work on my undone econs and pw work.

OH you know yesterday while I was on the bus I saw this lady who was freaky and only had 4 toes on one foot. Omg freeaky. 4 toes...

Now I also believe that overactive dreaming is part of the withdrawal symptoms from going cold turkey on my gaming addiction. I woke from a dream last night, went back to sleep, and dreamed about something else and woke up again. Funny thing was, when I woke up there was a lot of saliva in my mouth. But none of it came out, because I was face down on my pillow. I was probably suffocating and one of the reactions to that was over active salivary glands. Or I was just like, semi-drooling, but my mouth was sealed shut from lying face down on my pillow so it all accumulated in my mouth. So I gobbled up my saliva and went to school after that.

Needs to pee now.

2010-08-15T22:07:00.002+08:00

Well it's official, the teachers are going to be disappointed with my results at the end of the year. I won't because I already expect that I won't do well by the end of the year. How history loves to repeat itself huh.

Boring. Boring boring boring the same old posts everytime I come up on my blog. Just that really nothing worth mention happens these days. I'm not enjoying it. Something's weighing me down in my chest and I'm really not sure what it is. I feel so, out of order. No drive, no purpose to continue striving in my work, naduh. I think I need some teachers to scold me and make me angry and then I'll start moving huh. But that's really no way to get anyone moving. Get angry to prove someone wrong and then start proactively doing work? That makes no sense.

I also feel this amazing absence of passion right now. I don't really like to DO anything now which I admit is sad and it's most likely because I stay at home and do the same things over and over and over again every waking hour with my tin of biscuits and cup of milo sitting on my desk with the pale sickly glow of the computer on my face and all. This is not healthy at all.

With my current state of mind I don't ever think my perspective is going to change any time soon, which is not a very accurate approximation because what's there to approximate as I've only been through 17 years of experience, minus the days where I am barely conscious at all, that's like watching the trailer for Avatar: The Last Airbender and then deciding that it is a good movie (I have not watched it so I would not know).

I think in the end it's not the teachers or my parents or my relatives who will know how i'm doing through my mother without my consent who I have to prove myself to, but myself. That is I have to prove myself to myself. Funny thing is, I'm satisfied with myself more easily than anyone else is satisfied with me. Am I satisfied with that? My actions don't correspond with what I would most likely say, and you know what I would say, don't you? No you don't, so will say it, "I'm not satisfied that others aren't satisfied with me and I'll be satisfied when majority of these non-believers are not hungry anymore.

My bathroom awaits.

having difficulty continuing this post because I need to pee.

WTF. I don't understand how the law works in New York

2010-08-04T20:36:00.004+08:00

agh.Wth wth wth. Maths is now my escape, puzzling but solvable. Maths is good, because it makes sense. Maths.

Seems like this year is really a year of firsts. First time I have excelled (relatively okay-ly) in terms of academics. CCA is pretty much the same though, but not really. I was deeply insulted today. Agh.

Parents told me today - "Networking". Lol.

I'm a merchant! I sell honesty, and buy credibility.

Damien, Damien, Damien.

2010-07-29T05:58:00.002+08:00

pleaaase focus on schoolwork.

Someday! Somewhere!

2010-07-27T21:50:00.003+08:00

MLTR.

I might just rip your throat out little missy, you're treading on thin ice.

2010-07-26T22:39:00.003+08:00

Here's a picture for you to help me get more views. Yes work that mouse baeby. Click it. Click it. Click it.

i am starting to think facebook kills blogs

2010-07-25T22:44:00.001+08:00

Today is the first time in many many months that I went out myself to take photos. I actually feel much better doing it myself, since there's no one to criticise me, and no one to guide. So I can do things on my own and in my own time. No one breathing down my neck, talking to me. And most important of all no one to pass comments that aren't the least bit constructive.

Felt great to be at the Botanic Gardens in the evening. Except many people who went there were foreign construction workers and Philipino/Indonesian maids and that kinda disturbed me.

Yeah and this morning when I woke up I suddenly was greeted by a horrifying thought: I wanted to be a teacher! OMG then I realised how crazy I was and dismissed the thought, because there's no way I'm going to loop through what I spent first 18 years of my youth doing again and again and again for the next 82 years of my life (yes I'll live to a hundred you biatches who don't like me. I'll come by your house and knock on your door every year for the rest of your life on your birthday just to remind you how unfortunate you are! AND YES I WILL LIVE LONGER THAN YOU)

Anyway, in New York things are finally warming up a little with the strangers who pass me by everyday. I'm starting to think maybe I'm just shy, and unwilling to open up to new people. Problem is, once i get comfortable, grades just go down the freakin' drain. Saw that in VS hahahahha. Time to make some edits.

OMG photoshop stop hanging on me. I want to sleep.

Almost forgot! My family just got a cat which we named (DRUMROLLLLLLLLLLLLLL): TOOTHLESS(stolen from the movie "How to Train Your Dragon")

Yup it's a cute black kitten with a cute white muzzle and cute tiny white paws. So overall, I'd say it's a pretty cute cat. And it's about to make it's debut as an INTERNET LOLCAT STARTINGGGGGG.........NOW!

I really let myself go this week.

2010-07-20T21:27:00.002+08:00

It's time to get back to work now that I'm all rested up.

I'm frightened of how much the start of my year in a new school bears so much similarity to when I first entered VS. There was so much enthusiasm in academic work from the beginning but then it all just started to go away. Remember the clipboard? When I was in VS, I used a clipboard from S1 to S2. At the beginning, the board was empty most of the time and I only took it out to use when I needed some backing to write on. Between S1 and S2, more and more stacked up onto the board in one untidy heap.

The same thing is happening now omg. Must reorganise!

Something's seriously wrong about school.

2010-07-16T23:38:00.004+08:00

I am very very certain that my brain is not meant for school.

Half-life, ApacheHavoc Starwars Galactic battlegrounds, Carnivores, Starcraft and dungeon siege are very good games. And I'm not just saying that because they're the only games my current pc can handle. Hahaha.

Hey. Sorry I couldn't make it today. I think I'm about to fall sick, so I need some rest.

You know what's funny about New York? I always thought that everyone around me were blindly believing and being stupendously optimistic about everything around them, to the point that it became just disgusting and zombie-like. So I sort of caught a cynic bug and it hasn't left since. Then I came to New York and when I look around me I see many more sulking, moping pessimists dragging their feet around the school.

New half-year resolution.

2010-07-14T07:05:00.001+08:00

I should live my years in halves. Because then my goals would be short term and more achievable. So here goes. Wait a minute, school's about to begin.

I shall post after I live my worst day in school.

plswatch this video

2010-07-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5JrKBeCY1E

The hole in the Andromeda galaxy.

2010-07-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

Gouda? Anyone?

Natural sepia lol.

2010-07-09T07:03:00.000+08:00

takes me some time to get over the fact that nothing is ever fair

2010-07-08T22:38:00.004+08:00

Some people can just cycle without using their hands. Like, "Look maa, no hands!" It makes me very jealous, and I keep trying to do the same myself and cycle without the help of the handlebars. People who can do without the handlebars somehow can cycle even faster and maneuver even more nimbly than you can, while gripping tightly on to your bike, steering carefully as you go.

Unfortunately, some people are just better at cycling, and letting go of my handlebars just gets me a face full of grit, and maybe a broken bone or two.

Agh stupid people like me belong in the trash. I just want to run run run run.

oncebittentwiceshyoncebittentwiceshyoncebittentwiceshy

2010-07-07T22:39:00.003+08:00

Ugh. Feeling a little down lately. Moping around at home passes time.

I need to eat more bananas. Then my calves won't cramp as much.

Also there's this perpetual knot I feel at the back of my mouth and I find it hard to breathe again. I imagine I die in my sleep and I get worried hahhahahahahaha crazy no?

Old things go and new things come, I will embrace change like it was my bolster while I'm about to sleep. Which I am now. Goodnight.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

That's awfully blue sky.

2010-07-07T10:49:00.002+08:00

Hmm. Ozone.

Bored in school right now. So...

2010-07-07T10:42:00.001+08:00

It's awkward to meet your tuition teacher in the bathroom before lesson begins. Especially since he feels obliged to acknowledge you while he's still doing what any guy does best. (That's peeing by the way.)

The inexperienced traveler.

2010-07-05T21:12:00.004+08:00

I think that sounds very philosophical and shit because I'm like an intellect and I spew pearls from the opening in my head called the mouth. We are all inexperienced travelers.

ANYWAY in a less intelligent way I'm an inexperienced traveler because today I took a bus that I was unfamiliar with to Bedok interchange from Siglap CC, and when the bus went past Bedok MRT station I panicked and hit the bell. Then the bus went ahead into the bus interchange not passing by any bus stops. WIN.

In other news I think I hurt my knee and I might be limping around for awhile. I was totally not trying a new stunt I saw on the internet and hurt myself by accident in the process. Yup normal clumsy me fell down during soccer.

I wish we could all put away our paint-ball guns and use real guns to shoot. What's the point if no one dies right?

OMG BUT 4J OUTING WAS WICKED. I never really remember how much I missed them until we hung out again today. 4J dudes rock luh seriously. I hope we never forget each other. That would be a shame.

Girls are really no fun. And I don't mean that in any twisted way.

2010-07-03T18:03:00.005+08:00

I mean they don't do ANYTHING. They don't skate, they don't cycle, they don't lan, they don't play catching, they don't play soccer... nothing. They just talk. So much easier to plan stuff with guys. We do everything omg. Some of us even shop.

Bottom line - girls are boring.

It kinda raises the question of what you would be spending your time doing after you've like hooked up with someone. Remember, none of those awesome fun things stated above. Nope. Just talking. Yup, that's fun. funfunfunfun.

People like things that are restricted in supply.

2010-06-30T22:33:00.003+08:00

I mean like. Diamonds? Money? XBOX?! OMG PS3? HAHAHAHAHA FFOOOOAAAAM. Yeah. That kinda stuff. That's why people don't want to die. Because they will never find out why they were here in the first place. It's like a difficult maths question. No point doing it when someone already gave you the answer.

Rule of the road.

2010-06-30T12:51:00.003+08:00

Why the hell do people keep walking to the right side of the pavement. Ugh makes me so annoyed. Since when did they start doing that?! All this time I thought the rule was to walk to the left of the road. Always.

I mean, this was the rule ever since the first melee weapon was invented. People walk to the left of the road so it would be convenient to draw their stowed weapon to defend themselves from any oncoming threats because then the threat would have to approach then from the right.

Chocolate!

2010-06-30T09:27:00.001+08:00

Saying hi to the 9 am sun. Aww, ain't he cute?! I'm going to fail my math!

I should be doing math.

2010-06-30T08:44:00.001+08:00

WOOOO HOOOOO I feel so... WIRELESS! HAHAHA!

Yeah, I got the hang of it.

2010-06-30T08:39:00.001+08:00

Cool.
Test. I wonder how this stuff actually works.

I am testing some mobile blogger shit!

2010-06-30T08:34:00.002+08:00

I am testing some mobile blogger shit!

Panic blogging.

2010-06-30T07:41:00.001+08:00

Haha. Strange feeling in my tummy now. Feels vacant inside. I must be hungry

Ghosts? Nah... Only monsters within us.

2010-06-29T07:40:00.001+08:00

WE ARE MONSTERS.

I like hitting people with their own clubs.

2010-06-27T21:48:00.002+08:00

YEAH THAT'S BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA IN THE FAAAAAAACE.

What I like about strangers?

2010-06-24T21:21:00.004+08:00

Strangers judge you once, when they see you for the first time and from then on they continue to be strangers since it's unlikely for them to meet you for several consecutive times. Reputation - not tainted. Because seeing a guy headbanging to awesome music on his mp3 player isn't worth mention to his friends, who says you can't enjoy good music by headbanging in public, as long as you're not a nuisance.

I get really angry though, when a douche stands on the right side of the escalator and doesn't walk. Stupid idiots. Also during the peak traffic periods, when the trains are awfully crowded, the train stops at a station and some people want to get off and you're in the way, then they start rubbing their bags or whichever part of their body on me to make me notice them and scootch aside. Guess what pal - I CAN'T SCOOTCH UNTIL THE TRAIN DOORS OPEN. And what the hell is up with the rubbing man, you've got a freakin' mouth and maybe even a pair of LIMBS. Tap my shoulder and ASK me or something? Jeez.

I think sleep is the most important thing in life. Because, sleeping makes tomorrow come faster. Imagine if you never had to sleep and spent 8 hours MORE of everyday doing something productive, oh man how annoying that'd be. Also sleep kinda makes impossible things seem so much closer to possibility. So, I'd like to sleep earlier to dream earlier and imagine all that I want to be that isn't in real life, is in my dream and then even if it was just for 8 hours, every night.

RVB10 BLEW MY MIND. +++ FLOWER PWR!

2010-06-22T21:07:00.006+08:00

Yay RvB10 didn't cheat my feelings.

oh man tuition was so awkward today when Mr. Chua complimented me. I'm flattered and all, but maybe he took it a little overboard? I'm just sayin', I'm doing my work because I think JC's going to be a toughie, and O levels proved me wrong: I can't handle it on my own. Besides no point going for math and not do math work. (which somehow is the only work I'm doing)

Econs econs econs.

Andddddd personal diaries are for people suffering from Dissociative identity disorder (yeah I got that from wikipedia hahaha). I.e. people with split personalities. So while talking to yourself you can have a very very constructive discussion.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER RULZ.

2010-06-21T23:50:00.004+08:00

HEEYYYALL. I have a feeling that I'm going to do badly for my common test. Because I just found a website that has EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF EVERY SINGLE SEASON OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ONLINE! OMG tick tock goes the clock and I'm not studying shitttttttttt. MUST. STOP. WATCHING.

Damn. I have a real problem on my hands huh.

Shizz I hope RVB doesn't cheat my feelings and release another PSA tomorrow. Don't want to miss another good thing roight?! HAHAHA.

Yeah and I believe it's totally healthy talking to yourself about problems that you face every now and then. Completely healthy, because I have enough confidence in myself that I can solve my own problems and don't need a listening ear. If I told you, I'd have to kill'ya. Which you know, doesn't really work out, since then I'd probably be a serial murderer. Which I am not. I don't go around people's houses, rant to them about my problems and then put a hole in their head through their eye sockets with chopsticks. I don't do that, really. Man I got issues. HOTLINE PLEASE. OR.

Agh SHISNO.

AGH TOMORROW RVB10 IS RELEASED!

2010-06-21T09:06:00.000+08:00

Please RT, don't release another PSA. I hate PSAs.

I don't usually count my posts, but this is my 200th one! HAHA!

2010-06-19T16:08:00.003+08:00

I'm going to continue on with the 200th post because I like it. Incidentally this song is the 200th song on my playlist! Haha.

Unglamorous:
While playing soccer with PB + NP dudes I tried to anticipate where the ball was dropping cos some one did a high pass, then I turned around because I estimated that the ball would fly straight over me and onto the floor in front of me, then the ball hit my back. Yayyyy.

Then a few months back I was at Math tuition and I was wearing my favourite plain white round neck tee, and when I put my bag on the ground, one of the straps of my bag caught onto a small hole along the sleeve of my shirt and tore a giant hole in my sleeve. Class just began. Hurraaaaayyy.

I think sometimes its really hard to tell whether or not you feel good doing something or not. Like say you told off your friend for being a annoying in class, you don't know if you feel good because you were exercising your right as a student, or because maybe you impressed your classmates or something I don't know. Something along that line. So then you have to imagine that no one was in the class except for you and your annoying friend, and if you did the same thing, you would feel good, or not. So, it's easier to tell if you are genuinely feeling good/bad/whatever if you eliminate other things that would make you feel a different way.

Imagine you have a secret that you feel very happy about, and this secret will in some way affect how others looked at you the way they do, and then you told everyone. Would you be feeling happy because people looked at you differently (more positively I suppose) or because the secret - now no longer secret - made you feel good?! So the point is, unless you can differentiate what's making you feel what, like how a dog differentiates smells, I don't think its a good idea to share with people until you know what it makes you feel. Woo confusing.

RIIiiIIIIiight.

2010-06-18T23:47:00.002+08:00

I hate it when people post something like "I miss u..." online and then when people come around to ask, "HAHA hu is it?!" then the person goes ahead to say, "nobody u wld wan 2 noe." THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU POST IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Srsly they just want people's attention is all. Rouse your curiosity to get a chance to put you down. Irritating douches.

LIES LIES LIES!!

2010-06-18T20:40:00.002+08:00

HANDS CUPPED OVER EARS ROLL ON FLOOR SCREAMING OMG. This should be abbreviated. HCOEROFSOMG! Yay my new long abbreviation.

Epic win busker at Clark Quay

2010-06-17T17:20:00.001+08:00

HAHA there was this guy in a tunnel at Clark Quay busking - singing while playing a guitar - and my family and I were walking through it with a couple of guys in business suits in front of us. Then one of the guys put his hand in his pocket while he walked pass the busker, and he sang,

"[previous verse was part of a song I forgot... dadada...] Don't put your hand in your pocket, if you're not going to give what you find!" HAHAHAHA It was damn hilarious for me and I laughed and wanted to give him some cash for entertaining me with his funny joke but all I had was my dad's money and my dad's money was not mine to give and my dad didn't seem to have caught the joke. All buskers should be like him!

Glad that's over.

2010-06-15T20:54:00.002+08:00

Woots personal diary works wonders. Another problem reeeeezolveduh. Yeah but now that I think about it, I kinda betrayed my friends and family a little. Looking at the options I had.

1. Rant in a diary.
2. Consult a family member.
3. Confide in a friend.

Yeah... I have some serious trust issues, huh. I must have an inflated ego, cos the only person I trust enough to talk to is myself hahahaha. NOW THE QUESTION IS: CAN I BE TRUSTED BY MYSELF?!?!?! ZOMGS.

Real life experience makes me realise

2010-06-13T21:21:00.006+08:00

That there is no sin in being conscious of how you want to appear. I.e. hair styling, shoe shopping, belt buying. In fact, after all that time and money spent in building an image for yourself, there is , after all, a pragmatic reason behind all that. I am a judgmental person and I often decide what a person is like just by looking at the way they behave and the way they dress - so much for "don't judge a book by it's cover" huh. But there's a reason for the book's cover! It makes it easier to judge a person, without going through the time consuming process of data mining by interacting with the person over a long period.

Of course you might discover some skeletons in his cupboard, but hey, the first impression streamlines the process.

In fact, by pretending that I HAD no style is a form of self-consciousness. Since I had to always be careful that I was not appearing self-conscious to anyone at any moment in time. So all people who think they are not self-conscious are in fact the most self-conscious people in the world! OMG. PARADOGS.

Now that I logically vaporised my inhibitions, its about time I dressed a little better don't you think? HAHA. That doesn't mean that I'm going to just walk right into maht culture, no, I'm going to create a NEW CULTURE HAHAHAAAAA. Yeah big dreams, devolved right brain (part of brain involved in creativity).

So. People are self-conscious so that they can explain to other people what they do and what they expect you to think of them through their actions. Problem is, I'm not sure what I want to be.

The METER METHOD:

You know when someone says that something is butt ugly, or if he says that his test scores are terrible, there's obviously something that he's taking reference to in his head. How then would anyone reach a conclusion on how well or how badly he did, or how ugly or how DROP DEAD FREAKIN' GORGEOUS some one is. So, there's a meter. And in order to judge himself or others on his/their merits or faults.

There're different ways of using the meter. To make things easier to understand, lets judge BEAUTY. So, for example one may use the meter this way. I can place the most gorgeous thing on earth at the top of the meter (that would be, of course, ME) and judge from there down on what's pretty and what's not. OR conversely. I can but the worst looking thing(s) on earth at the bottom of the scale and work my way up. Looking at how ugly the girls are in my school, if I used this scale the lowest point of my meter would reach the earth's core.

Rule number 1:

2010-06-13T16:55:00.002+08:00

Yeah it's always rule number 1 because I forget about all the rules I made before. Anyway today's rule number when you're trying to pry the truth out of someone is to NEVER EVER offer a likely answer because then you're just doing the liar's job for him! Like someone wants to lie about his identity on an online game or something don't ask. "Who are you? Wenhan?!" Cus' then you just gave the person an identity that you'd expect and the wins. Woohoo.

TUESDAY = NEW RVB EPISODE! HAHAHAHAA

2010-06-12T09:15:00.002+08:00

it's not here yet, but I'll celebrate everyday that passes to bring my closer to the new episode of RVB cos right now it's just about the only thing I live for (except for how I met your mother on weekdays but hey, it's the weekend).

My half-naked pop and I.

2010-06-10T18:19:00.006+08:00

I never said I didn't enjoy the trip. I just said it was half-hearted. Gave me time to hang out with the folks, who are not the coolest bunch, but I enjoyed their company loads.

Mmm. Strangewater.

Public blog makes my diary look like a book of sins.

2010-06-09T15:07:00.005+08:00

Drawing parallels:

Some traffic lights have buttons that you can press and there'll be a small light that turns on to signify that the button's already been pressed. Often times I see dead moths inside the small lights. Sad moths. When they go to moth heaven, and meet their ghost moth relatives, and they ask, "So, how was life?!" Then all they can say is, "Thanks to you, mom, I spent my life stuck in a traffic light and more or less just waited to arrive here. Thanks mom."

Ghost mama moth laughs and tries to explain how the bluddy hell she ended up laying eggs there hahaha.

UUuoOOhh. Ghost moths eat ectoplasmic cotton. Yum. I wonder how it'd be like being stuck in one place until you die. Don't you ever want to have a little more freedom and maybe live some kind of nomadic lifestyle? I'd like to pick up a trade-able skill like maybe singing, cooking, or something like that that needs very little equipment and time to do and just hang around different cities around the world living on what I can earn by selling my skill. Yeah but that's all just wishful thinking.

Reality isn't so fun.

Some people just manage to discover their dreams and ambitions so early. Makes me so damn envious I swear. Others just find out a little/much later, but it's a possibility right? To know for certain that you want to be tied to this thing for life, because it's just the right job for you to do. How lucky it would be if I found the right thing for me early.

I'm certain that I still have a long way to grow hahaha. Noice. Get it? Grow? Go? hahahaaa.

I need someone anonymous enough to talk to but someone familiar enough who can relate to me. Haha if suddenly damien pops up on msn and starts talking to you strangely you might decide to sign off quickly, or risk being asked strange questions that will make our relationship awkward and eventually we will not be friends anymore.

Echo echo echo echo echo...

2010-06-08T20:47:00.009+08:00

I need to get a personal diary quick.

Life is like a maths paper. You make a mistake once, and then from then on you never make it again, regardless variation of the question/situation. There're some questions that arise every now and then that have painfully obvious answers that we should all know how to answer.

Unless suddenly logic escapes us and what we thought was right in the beginning actually turned out to be wrong, and what we thought was wrong turned out to be absolutely correct. Or what we thought was correct and what we thought was wrong were both completely incorrect, because things aren't always black and white. However, that is unlikely, given what we have learnt from past errors. Then again what is true now may not be true forever - change is the only constant (yeah that's overused), which just makes things all the more complicated and annoying.

Haha I think I need some sleep. That's not me talking, I'm sure. "Your feelings serve you well Obi Wan, but don't let them cloud your judgement!" - Qui Gon from Star Wars - The Phantom Menace.

I will not make the mistake again and I will not unlearn what I learnt. Be as stubborn as an Ox! And I have my friends to thank for helping me learn.

I swear man I hate mind games! People have to stop reaching their filthy hands into my head and twisting and knotting up my brain with all their funny words and strange stories. AGH I must be going crazy.

Jumping genres

2010-06-07T22:02:00.006+08:00

Armageddon soundtrack! It's awesome! BONJOVI FTW!

WINNN! It's not Bon Jovi?!?! IT'S AEROSMITH! Thanks Ziyad.

Hey all! I'm baaaack/1//////////1/1/11

2010-06-06T17:43:00.002+08:00

This holiday with my family felt very half-hearted throughout, so I'm glad I'm back.

Hahaha ultra gay song that I like. DON'T JUDGE ME!

These few days alone have taught me something...

2010-06-01T11:19:00.016+08:00

BEING ALONE RAWKS! If the parents give you enough moneh that is. I'm starving. I accidentally left some of the food mom bought for me out too long and it spoiled. Crap. Thank god they're coming back today. If not I'll have to OMG GO OUT AND BUY MY OWN FOOD.

Okay no it's strange to be alone at home really. Especially since the holidays started I face a lot of inertia to do anything at all. Normally it's the parents/naggy older sister who gives me that extra push to maybe do some work. +++ I found this cool game online it's called the "Powder game" yeah it sounds lame but go check it out it's really very awesome. I'm embarrassed to say that I wasted a couple of hours on that game. BUT IT IS AWESOME! The powder game is like a simulator sort of thing where pixels mimic particles of different types of materials. Very very cool.

Talk about being bored.

Also, HELLO FRIENDS!

I think my friends will agree that there's something about this picture that makes them feel very happy.
Well, at least I feel that way.

I win the most casual attire competition because I wore exactly that to sleep the previous night! YAY. HAHAHA JKJK.

Always thought I'd be better off alone.

2010-05-28T19:39:00.003+08:00

I always imagined that I'd be able to do some much if i was just left alone at home. Now I realised there can only be so many things that I can do alone at home. Exhausted my alone at home to-do list already. Guess it's back to work. Stinks.

Maybe I'll just go out and run in the drain for a while and get arrested for a night. The policemen can keep me company. And give me food.

What does it mean when my parents and 2 sisters are not home for the weekend?!

2010-05-27T21:39:00.002+08:00

BLINDS DOWN DOORS CLOSED CLOTHES OFF MUSIC ON! It's gonna be a BUMPY RIDE TONIGHT! HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Yeaaaaah. Just kiddin'.

Anyway I'm glad I didn't post anything yesterday because today was such an interesting day I'd have to post again today anyway.

Yeah firstly I guess GP wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be, but it was still ridiculously difficult. It's so difficult that my perception of "difficult" cannot justify the difficulty of the paper. Made me think that I should have just studied for O levels properly cos it was so much easier.

Just now the photographic society celebrated the current dark room manager's birthday. Then I overheard that she wanted to be a chem teacher in future. Then I asked her who in the right mind would want to be a teacher, forgetting that the photog TIC was actually sitting next to me. Hahaaa awesome right. Then to my surprise she actually agreed, after confirming that a "sane" person wouldn't be a teacher and not a "saint". Somehow or rather the convo lead to her confirming that, but that's not the point. The point is, I realised later why she needed to differentiate a "saint" from a "sane" person, because a sane person wouldn't be a teacher, but a saint would.

Then later we started to discuss why gp grades for NY wasn't so good. And Ms. Chua explained that by saying that NY was composed of mostly neighbourhood school students who did exceptionally well, and I stupidly added that part of NY was also partly composed of students from good schools that didn't do too well. And eventually the conversation led to a question that cut me reallyyyy deeply. Like, ouch.

"Eh Damien what school were you from uh? VS? So what are you doing here now? Shouldn't you be in VJ?!"

Haha yeah I'm still sore. Ughhhh. Then she went on to say:

"The reason why NY GP grades aren't good is the same reason as why you ended up in NY."

???!?!!! I don't understand. If they can be explained in the same way then I'm really curious to know why I ended up here. Hehehe I told them I landed here because of photog. So pwn right.

Oh yah and just now there was a guy and a girl on my bed. The guy wasn't me HAHAHA. And the girl wasn't any of my sisters "who are in Thailand". PW group jokers.

TUESDAYS ARE WORTH IT. TUESDAYS ARE WORTH IT.

2010-05-20T23:23:00.007+08:00

I really don't know what the bluddy teachers in NY are planning at all. It's like their trying to piss off students enough to make them want to study or something. Makes me so angry, but not enough to start studying obsessively. Just very angry at the teachers. They keep taunting us. Now I bring a penknife to school everyday just in case.

ARGH I'm so angry. I snapped at a teacher this morning and now I'm feeling guilty maybe it was just a moment of misjudgment on my part. Stupid. But what she said really made me flip. She was all like:
HURH HURH HURH IF CAN DO IT WHY CAN'T YOU?! HUH? HUH? HUH???!

And then I said:
WTFOMGBBQ YOU CAN'T COMPARE THAT WAY STUPIDASS.

Okay not exactly that way at all but you catch my drift. *farts*

yeh after that she called me up to interrogate me because I was outta line. And did not appear as my usual quiet, accepting, antisocial self.

Well. I've officially become what I foresaw at the beginning of the school term. Irresponsible, grumpy, irritable and teacher-hating. At least my files are still neat and tidy huh. I guess its time to adopt a different strategy.

BECAUSE I'M NOT A QUITTER. I DON'T PRESS ALT+F4 AND THEN X! Ctrl+z baby, ctrl+z. (yeh dude giving a pep-talk to myself). I sincerely despise the way teachers do things in this school.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off going to a poly. My dad's dad was a carpenter and my mom's dad was a tailor. Maybe I'm destined to be some kind of carpenter as well. Or a butcher. Or a murderer! OR BOTH. HAHHAHAHAHA. Damien the Butcher. Nice ring to it.

Beware. Damien has more bite than bark. And he has the wounds to prove it (HUH?!). Woof *fart*.

Hello, I'm Damien. Nice to meet you!

2010-05-18T20:48:00.007+08:00

Here's what I have in the "Make new friends" part of my brain.

1. Start with a handshake.

Yup that's about it. I'm starting to think that I really have no real capacity to make friends through deliberate interaction. Srsly how does that even work? What I realise is that people just go on talking about themselves to their friends, and their friends just get to know them more and more based on what they tell them. Isn't that a little strange? I mean, how can you TRUST what they say is true since you're not yet friends but in the making?! THEY ARE LIARS HAHAAAAHA.

Rough week so far. If you've had a rough week, I've had a pretty bad week too, so lets all just be friends since we have something in common.

Fall Out Boy - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

I initially thought that JC would be a RADICAL (HAHA FREERADICALS LIKE NITROGEN MONOXIDE) change from VS, guess I was wrong. Castes, cliques, guys, girls(who look like guys), annoying teachers. Yup nothing's changed. Looks like I won't be getting in touch with my INNER MASCULINITY any time soon huh.

OR WILL I?! WAHAHAAAA here's to being UNDECIDED on gender preference! CHEERS.

By the way the song mentions "Benzedrine" (yeah like, "Mr. Benzedrine" it's actually found in inhalers to dilate the windpipe but has some kind of euphoric effect when you took it. It's not used anymore though.

I was never meant to be in charge of anythinggg

2010-05-16T16:30:00.004+08:00

Why are people interested to know if I'm J1 or J2? Damn it should've asked them. Do I look old? I know I really don't behave old at all. In fact no matter how old I look I want to behave the same way I've been behaving all this while.

I have all the time to behave old when I grow old, and that's not anytime soon, I hope. What does that even mean?! Yeahhhh.

I don't deny that I still feel kinda lonely in school. Agh it's all my fault for not being sociable. Yeah then again people should see that I'm having problems mixing and take some initiative to pull me in ya'know? Hahaha yeh it's their fault. Uzz maybe I'm really kinda creepy too lolol. Yeh dood I'm talking to myself. If that's not creepy I don't know what is. Maybe what's more creepy is that my readers enjoy watching me talk to myself hahha. Running out of things to post really quickly. Things have been pretty mundane.

Aaaaawwkkkkwaardd.

2010-05-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

I hope the weather lets up.

I dream of flying.

2010-05-13T15:18:00.003+08:00

My 10 year old cousin just passed away.

This isn't the most appropriate thing to discuss on my blog. I know. But my head is gonna explode if I don't share anything.

This is not a post as a tribute to him, but a post to share my thoughts regarding the unfortunate incident. I'm not the one who has to say, "My brother died." Or, "My son passed away." so I cannot empathise for his family. TBH, when I first got word of his passing, I swear, I couldn't tell what I was feeling. It wasn't unhappiness, it wasn't shock. I really couldn't tell. Maybe I really have become very insensitive over the years.

I think I'm selfish, because what it felt was very close to fear. Only recurring. I dreamt of him last night. Details are not appropriate to discuss. An imaginary scene keeps replaying itself in my head over and over. And the fear keeps coming back. Life is short.

Trippin' balls.

2010-05-12T01:15:00.004+08:00

It's as if I've arrived at this stage of a DJMAX song where I'm completely overwhelmed by the number of bars flying in, and I stop button-mashing to take a breather. Anyone want a hand on Damien's sweaty controller? I'll just slip into my own head and leave someone else with the steering. AAAGGHH it's my own fault I keep agreeing to do things.

I just recovered from a fit of frustration. I remind me of me yeeaaaarss back when I still went to church. Okay the church bit is kinda irrelevant but you know, just to give you a sense of how long ago that was. But yeah it was so long back.

nonono you're doing it wrong.

2010-05-07T23:54:00.002+08:00

Oh shizz I just realised that mother's day is just round the corner. And I just made her angry too. When I'm watching TV my default answer to any question is "ur." Which isn't a "uh-huh" or an "uh-uh". Before I know it she's screaming her head off and (re)^(x+2x)disowning me. I don't even know what she asked/told me. I mean I don't go asking her weird questions when she's watching TV.

Really if mom doesn't have time for me, then I don't have time for her either. Anyway I've got more important things to do. During ISLE we had to make a decision on when to hold a meeting and they were very against using their Saturday afternoon because that would burn the rest of their day. I was wondering why because if you had anything you needed to do you'd wake up earlier to do it huh.

Then they said that "hey, we have family too" which made me realise how low my family goes on my priority list. I mean, I don't use my family as an excuse for not participating in school activities. I always imagined school to come first.

The broken dream factory is in business all of a sudden.

2010-05-07T20:25:00.002+08:00

I can't remember the last time I had a dream. But over the last couple of days my head's been messin' around with me all night on most nights. Though I can't really remember much of the details one dream.

It's so strange: I woke up from the dream like crying really madly, and felt very sad and in a wink I didn't remember a damn thing and forgot why I was sad so I wasn't sad anymore. Uzz let me try to describe. I felt sad for a second before I opened my eyes then when I opened my eyes and realised I was tearing, I suddenly couldn't feel a thing anymore and it was like any other morning when I woke up except for the fact that I was tearing. I couldn't remember a bit of that dream but I'm sure I had a dream otherwise I wouldn't have been tearing. I think the best way I can describe the feeling I had as I transitioned from subconsciousness to consciousness is to have "accelerated" out of feeling unhappy. Like being suddenly pushed very quickly away from your initial state of mind. And before that I have no recollection of any kind of dream. I'm repeating myself ahahaaaaaa but it's a damn strange feeling.

Then last night I had this dream where I was being stung or something by many tiny bugs and then one of those things laid an egg in my mouth and I swallowed it. Somehow or rather the transition between the dream and real life was so smooth that after that I had to check online if there was a cure to having been impregnated by one of those things.

And the night before I had a similar dream, but that time it was only one bug flying around my head and smacking into my face occasionally, then I cupped it in my hands and it said, "I'm a bee." Then I panicked and let go of it and I woke up immediately after that.

Seems like I'm developing a fear of insects huh.

And I remember vaguely this other dream. Actually the only thing I could remember was this image of a girl with very ghostly eyes staring at me and occasionally blinking. Her eyes were sort of pale blue, but had some kind of glow, and were abnormally swollen. Creepy. I forgot the context of the dream, but the memory of that girl just creeps me out.

I used to think that people only have dreams when they're waaaaayyy too free. I guess not. If you follow my posts, I regard these dreams as good dreams. In the actual context of being in the dream, it's a nightmare, but when you wake up and find it untrue, it's a good dream. HAHA. I don't particularly dislike dreams. In fact I find it more entertaining than real life.

I want more nightmares.

I also don't get why people like to have things that resemble things that their friends have. Doesn't it creep you out that every time you turn your head you see someone carrying a bag that looks almost exactly the same as your own? Lollll.

I think I annoy people in my school. Maybe it's my chouping technique. During chem lecture I was rushing to get a front row seat. Then there was this bunch of girls browsing for seats and I threw my bag from a considerable distance to the centre front row seat, and success! chouped. Take that biatches. Then someone fuzhi may know said, "Idiot" loud enough for me to hear but then covered her mouth and acted like it was only for her friends to hear. Fuzhi you have excellent taste hahahaaaa. Yeah will delete if you request so. If I see her sleeping in the library she will wake up without her fringe and ponytail.

HAHA then during physics lecture I scrambled to get front row seats again then this other class wanted the front row seats too and this SC tried to defend her friends' rights by asking me to move away so the majority will benefit. I stalled for a while and said yes when my own buddies were moving in. I shifted two seats to the left and the same two seats (and then the whole row) were subsequently filled by my classmates. Take that SC. She "what the hell"-ed really loudly and moved to the back rows. What the hell. I should be the one "what the hell"-ing lo. There's no plan that tells anyone where to seat. It's FFA (free for all). Being a student leader doesn't mean you defend your friends at the expense of others. I'm part of the school too. Girls suck.

Yay its Friday.

Encore: No one said it was going to be easy.

2010-05-05T22:28:00.003+08:00

Yeah no one said anything. Shit just happens.

FB is starting to interfere with my time management! In more ways than one. Like 'time-management'. Similar to how msn messenger would.

I'm starting to think that the only thing I'm ever good at is to appear intellectual. The rest of the time I'm just mucking around.

"Hey you're from photog right? Can you cover an event for me tomorrow?"

"No."

"Why?"

"No...(trails off) Why don't you cover it?" *!!!!!!????
Delegating jobs isn't easy. Stupid slackers don't want to do anything. Why don't I do it? Seriously I don't even know why these people are in photog. Come yeahs be angry with me at those morons.

I think lying (well) is an essential life-skill.

Co-ed schools suck. Not literally.

2010-05-03T23:08:00.004+08:00

There was this incident recently where GPP was due the next day and my group just did a draft, and we appointed an editor (a girl) to do some editing the day before it had to be handed in. The girl is neurotic and also a perfectionist and I assumed she spent what was left of her night after doing all her own work, editing the draft.

The next day she looked unwell and I said, "That's what you get for working on the GPP for wayyy to long" and she didn't reply and then later I overheard a conversation she had with another girl about girl stuff and I realised why she was looking unwell. omg what have I done.

Then recently during the camp I attended, I accidentally drank from someone else's waterbottle. For a guys' school it would be someone else's waterbottle. But in a mixed school it wasn't JUST someone else's water-bottle, it was a GIRL'S water-bottle. Ladies and gentlemen Damien just had his first kiss. EULCHWTFOMGBBQ+KETCHUPANDBAKUTAY. I feel so dirty.

I feel very offended when someone tells me to 'prioritise'. When I put something on top of another, I obviously regard one with greater importance than the other. So this guy comes along (normally a guy who's got something to do with the thing which I see as less important) and says, "Hey dimwit you're doing it wrong. I'm more important." They don't actually say that but it sure sounds like that to me. If you peel off all the layers of honey and sugar. Like finding a fossilised mosquito in the middle of your lollipop. Delicious, no?

Yeah all these bottle feelings got to go somewhere. Empathies to people who are vague all the time. Let me try: "You are ugly". Yeah feels much better. Everyone's ugly.

I think perfection is a vertical asymptote. You can get damn close to it but no one ever reaches it. It's still unfair that some people's perfection asymptote goes further down the x-axis than others.

I'll do it myself. Give me it.

2010-04-29T21:16:00.005+08:00

Haha I was given the Asst. Chief of Photog post. Gratz to William though. And the rest who got nice, big, red, executive, cushiony seats. While others get to sit on chairs too. Except those plastic ones with holes where you butt is for fart to get out. Executive seats preserve your gas. Yum.

Yeahh asst chief... Ego sure took a blow. I guess I can focus on my studies more huh.

Fist fight fist fight fist fight fist fight.

Whaaaaaattt.

2010-04-28T21:45:00.001+08:00

>:c

I'm feeling irrationally pissed.

Duhduhdumm dub didadup duhm duhm duhm.

2010-04-28T00:47:00.003+08:00

crazy tired. I feel like I'll fall asleep any moment.

I want to play "Splinter Cell: Conviction"

I feel different.

Tears in Heaven.

I feel betrayed by society after writing my own essay on "Do what you love" or "Love what you do"

I don't like "different".

The big fat tantrum I keep in a tiny almost non-existent bubble in my chest is going to pop.

2010-04-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

I'm going to sit here and not move and not remember anything and not do anything and not plan anything and not decide anything, and there's nothing anyone can do about it! - is what I really want to do. Too bad that bubble's still holding.

Good thing Singapore has laws.

"Voted most likely to be the best bird chaser of all time."

2010-04-23T17:33:00.002+08:00

Says my ancient clipboard. It's so ancient, the corners of it have turned into dried paper mache. But I like it because the semi-soft backing is good to write on. I remember when I used to clip all my done homework with undone work, all the school's notices and all the consent forms onto this very clip board, and I'd hand carry it around with me. That was 3 years ago... Wow time sure flies. 3 years in a snap. I wonder why I stopped using the clipboard.

Haha I remember why I started using it though. It actually started off as an effort to get organised. But it failed miserably. At least the filing thing is going pretty okay for me right now. Though homework + pw + CCA is starting to pile up. And I complain I don't have enough space. Now my free time is running out too.

I don't believe in the powers above.

2010-04-21T19:47:00.002+08:00

Somehow it seems that mee tai mak was specially made to flick sauce into your eyes when you're eating it. I think maybe the people who invented them tasted food with their eyes. I wonder what chili tasted like to them. You know with their eyes. I tried it, whatever it tasted like to my eyes made them want to water. Blinding taste!

From what I've gathered. (Damien's opinion on interpersonal relationships.)

2010-04-19T20:14:00.004+08:00

Like a business or a company, you start from nothing when you meet a new group of people. Slowly but surely (maybe) you start to earn rep with that group. Rep is the currency of social status. If you meet the new group of people with a friend or two already, you have an advantage. Compare it to trying to set up a company: It's definitely much easier setting up the business with some capital rather than none - Your friends already know what you're like (with them) and help you build your rep, while you help them build theirs.

Stragglers who do not yet know any one benefit when they join the group. The more people you interact with, the faster your rep goes up, and the more people will know about you in time ("friends"!).

Nicknames and inside jokes do particularly well in boosting rep, if they're taken well, or if you live by your nickname lol.

Generally, the longer time you spend with your current group of friends, the more chances you get to boost your rep. So that basically means: eat together and eat slow so you have more chances to talk, walk together and walk slow for the same reason.

Extra credit for cracking jokes, despite the fact that very often, these jokes aren't particularly funny. BUT you get extra points for laughing at jokes to, so bad joke audiences don't mind the bad joke, and laugh anyway to get extra points.

Exaggerate physical ailments to gain pity points, or simply for that extra social point when your buddy asks you, "Are you okay?"

Mock other people and laugh about it with your friends. 2X points when the guy you're mocking is watching.

Yeahhhh that's about it. Tell you when I have more.

I feel uncomfortable.

2010-04-14T21:30:00.002+08:00

It feels like for the past couple of months I've been recovering from physical injuries much slower. Or maybe it's that I'm beginning to value my time more. Because Work + Physical ailment = Unproductive. Doesn't look like it adds up, huh hahaa.

I'm always haunted by the thought that everyone was born with a limit to how much they can achieve. I'm sure anyone who's striving to be the best at whatever is aware of this. Unless you're already at the top of your game, looking down upon the puny and weak clamoring to surpass your greatness. Lolll. It's the nature versus nurture thing that frustrates me ya'know. It's not like Maplestory where everyone who starts the game gets a fixed number of Attribute Points. In real life. Some people get EXTRA points! WTF how is that fairr?!

It's "kinda" statistically proven that if your parents are successful, there's a higher chance that you'll be just as successful. So in the end people who don't cut it die out. Natural selection lol.

Awww I need a new blogskin soon.

2010-04-11T22:29:00.004+08:00

See what I saw this week. (while I get acquainted with flash photography.)

hamstah

gangstah

Whoa flash photography does more good to photos than I thought! I should use the flash more often.

Yup and I've officially lost all my momentum. I didn't do a crud over the weekend and my excuse is that I can't remember what I'm supposed to do. Even though I do know what I'm supposed to do. Yeah that's not so good huh.

But I watched hairspray for the first time ever and it rocks! I wish music didn't evolve.

Also I'm fully aware that that first picture exaggerates my pimples and makes my face look like the dunes of Mars or something. Haha you might expect a giant duneworm to suddenly pop out of one of those craters. Lolll. (I chose this side of my face because the other side looks like corn.)

IMPOSSIBLE+TEACHER GONE CRAZY+DAMIEN IS DREAMING

2010-04-09T14:46:00.002+08:00

OMG WTF I ACED MY FIRST TEST IN JC! LOLLLLOLOL GUESS WHICH SUBJECT IS IT?! OMG IT'S ECONS! HAHAAHAA. Like wtf man. Don't even know how I did it. Something tells me this is gonna be very short-lived.

I think people learn to be vague/lovestruck (not saying that I'm vague/love stricken[whoa typing stricken makes me think of chicken{what's this? Sidetracking in my sidetrack thought?!}]... OR AM I?!) from songs like these hahahahaha.

"DAMIEN IS RECRUITING AN ASSISTANT."

2010-04-03T14:27:00.003+08:00

Is the nicest way of putting it. I'm the official photographer for the ISLE China trip and I'll need an "assistant". HAHAHA. I'm still not entirely sure about the job-scope of an assistant but as far as I've gathered, he basically just carries my equipment for me, and helps me with taking pictures as well. Well, actually everyone will be taking pictures, just that my assistant and I will be taking pictures more often than the others. Which is the same as saying, "dood, you'll carry my stuff for me." HAHAHAAAA. Well I'm supposed to find an assistant for the trip, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to advertise this post. Who the hell wants to help me carry equipment for the whole damn trip? I should just lie to them right hahahahhahhaaa.

No use trying to recruit anyone on this blog anyway, since no one in ISLE reads this. OR DO THEY?! I'm sure people want to know more about boring old Damien and his boring blog lollll.

Anyway, for the ISLE trip anyone who's interested and would like to know more about photography are encouraged to opt to go for a photography workshop that is to be scheduled in the near future. (or not so near, depends on the teacher) (which also means that you don't get anything out of being my assistant, other than maybe bigger muscles from carrying photography equipment.) (if you're unlucky I may decide to make you feel uncomfortable by telling you where your photos have gone wrong, and how you can improve them.)

So the point is that there's no real incentive to being my assistant, but if you find that I'm a nice guy and you want to hang out more with me, and also carry my stuff, then by all means, give me a ring or something *phone gesture with hand and pervy wink*!

Learn, Unlearn, Relearn.

2010-04-02T01:33:00.003+08:00

I think it's about time I started to learn some decent people skills. Apparently people are offended by various things that I'm accustomed to doing. When I went for my photog outing, we had some kind of dinner break, and it was 'free and easy' so we could go around and find our own food. So I went off myself to get some grub, and the rest of the group were a little ticked off that I went off alone. Funneh. I mean, free and easy right?! Anyway, afterward, when I met back with the team, the teachers that were accompanying us lectured me, saying something about having people skills will help me in future as a leader.

Yeah then over the week I was being pretty enthusiastic over ISLE stuff, making some designs and stuff, and I sent this crude proposal to all my team mates, hoping for some decent response since the logo was already overdue and was... uhh... not really up to my expectations***(note tact!), but I guess other people weren't as concerned with the design of the logo and team name as I was. So I got a little agitated and sent out an angry (sounding) sms. Which I think is a liiiittle too rude to post up here just in case some people (teachers mostly) find it inappropriate. But here's the proposal:

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS JUST A PITCH (proposal)!!! You don't HAVE to choose any design right now but it's definitely a plus if you do. Burn me if you want to, but I am strongly against having a pink heart with doraemon arms hugging itself on the back of my shirt when I go for the expedition. We can do better than that.

Obviously, if we want things to be done BY the next meeting, we have to be proactive even when we're not having meetings. So here I'm making my contribution.

If you've already quit and didn't want to receive this email, well I apologise because I couldn't remember who quit and who didn't, so I painstakingly copied and pasted everything from the old contact list here.

Anyway comments are not just welcome, comments are COMPULSORY. Lol no lah I appreciate if you drop comments

yeahhhhhh... I also posted this on the ISLE blog tagboard:

"The contact list is screw'd"

(I don't think these were the worst. The sms.... hahahhaaa) Thinking back, It feels like I did it out of frustration, rather than for anything else at all. It is inappropriate. If any of you ISLE mates read this blog at all, I am sincerely sorry if hurt your feelings with my crude remarks, I'm aware of it and I am willing to change. So much so that I'll be writing a guide to establishing relationships with peers.

LESSON ONE: TACT!
Which in brief means - DON'T SPEAK YOUR F*CKIN' MIND. People don't like that. Hear what you're about to say in your head first, then translate all strong, emotive words to milder descriptors.

LESSON TWO: STAY WITH THE PACK.
I have no idea how this works (yet). But it seems that the more you stay with the group, the easier it is to build relationships with your peers.

Well that's all I got so far. Hahaaa. There's this serious vacuum in my brain where my emotional centre used to be. Actually I never really learned how to work with new people in VS at all. In fact, in VS I only worked with people I was familiar with. Which explains for my severe lack of (new)people skills.